Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free everyday?

Johnny the bull and the Jamie the cow knew each other since the day their parents started grazing in the same field. Johnny the bull was a stout kid with tiny little horns and was the cynosure of his mother- Volga’s eyes!

Jamie the cow used to be always sick and cared by the entire clan. They both went to the same cow and bull school and with time Johnny the bull found himself doing all the homework for Jamie the cow- he was certainly in love!


Drink your milk!!- Volga used to say to his Johnny- ‘or else you would not grow big and strong and your horns would not grow long!

-‘but why do I need to grow big mom? I am good like this! - Jamie likes me the way I am – and she blows kisses to me all the time’

And over and over again Volga kept persisting but little Johnny the bull never listened to his mama and never drank milk! – Oh what a fool he was, he would only learn later!

The calendar picked speed and days became months and months became years; until one day when- Johnny the bull had grown into a fine young and stout bull of strong horns and Jamie the cow, had stood 2nd runner up in the intra-farm beauty pageant ……………..just when disaster struck!

War was declared on the southern front and Johnny the bull got drafted into the army. He was sad as he would not see Jamie the cow for a long, long time and might be never again! But he had to go!

Another 5 years passed by and the war on the southern front ended- and then after a few weeks Johnny the bull returned home, A hero!

But he could not find Jamie the cow! ‘She moved to ‘The city of the Gods’ for a better life as a beautiful cow’- Volga told her son.

So, Johnny the bull packed his stuff and off he went, to ‘The city of the Gods’ in search of his one and only Jamie, his love!

And he searched and searched for months until one night he saw her in a fair, she had changed a lot- she was with a new bunch of some cows and mostly bulls with huge horns – whom she called friends!

Johnny the bull was confused- his entire life had revolved and still did around Jamie the cow- but Jamie had changed, she had more friends to comfort her now and she didn’t need him much- but she wasn’t bad to him- she would come for some time to meet him in the corner of the field, whenever he asked her for! And Johnny the bull kept getting even more confused!

Until one late afternoon- when Johnny the bull proposed Jamie the cow for marriage and to return to their farm for a happily ever after grazing life!

But Jamie- declined Johnny’s advances! And Johnny the bull became depressed and started drinking rice wine and made new friends-

Both Johnny and Jamie used to be in the same fair grounds every evening, but on different sides of the field- Johnny would always keep an eye on what Jamie was up to and every time he found her grazing perilously close to another bull or rubbing horns together- he would get sad and drink 4 more buckets of rice wine!

The owner of the bar never minded and specially arranged for a high grazing spot for Johnny, from where he could see Jamie easily and get depressed and drink more!

A couple of more years passed by! Life had moved on but Johnny the bull didn’t- he still stood on the same high grazing spot every night and drank rice wine- until one evening when he met Francesca the cougar


Francesca- ‘So here you are- Johnny the bull- who loves rice wine and stalks Jamie the cow- who loves bulls with big horns and who’s milk is as sweet as honey!’


Johnny- ‘Excuse me! How do you know me? And how do you know Jamie loves what?


Francesca- ‘well I am the cougar- I am supposed to know about bulls like you and besides I used to know your mother’


Johnny- so how do you know about what kind of bulls Jamie likes?

Francesca- Well all young cows here love bulls with bigger horns- it’s a meter- the bigger the horn, the stronger the bull and the bigger the –uhmmmm –well you can guess!

You never drank milk which your mother always used to force you- if you had- you would have also had huge horns!


Johnny- (Pondering)


Francesca- Johnny dear! You would never understand Jamie!

But have you ever heard the saying-‘why buy a cow when you can get milk for free everyday?’

I am sure you must have- since it’s a bull chauvinistic statement! And most bulls like you want to own cows like Jamie!
But you forget Jamie is not just another cow!

And why would she marry you when she has so many strong and handsome bull suitors who surround her all the time?
Rather why would she marry any one? When she has so many?

Wouldn’t you have liked the same? To be surrounded by damsel cows all around, willing to do anything for you?


Johnny- Were you also like Jamie when you were her age? Surrounded by many bulls?

Francesca- (sigh) well! I was! In fact I won the pageant during my time!

Johnny- So where did they all go? I don’t see any bulls around you now?


Francesca- (one more sigh)Well! That’s the sad part of the cow story!

When I was young, there used to be many bulls around me- but there were one, just like you who was in love with me, but I had so many better bulls around me, so I refused him!

I was happy! I loved the attention I got from so many handsome bulls around me! In fact it was more than love! It was an addiction- I used to flirt with them- go grazing with them and befriend new bulls every evening!

Until much later I realized that all those bulls were just like me- they were only interested in the free milk under the garb of friendship and flirt- They weren’t interested in buying the cow! And why would they? They were getting the milk free from me everyday! And also from many other cows like me!

And then one day, I fell in love with one of my strong and handsome bull admirers- and wanted to marry him- but he did not! That’s when I realized- that all those time I used to think I am using those admirers and lovers, when in fact they were using me!


Johnny- So why didn’t you change your lifestyle then?

Francesca- it’s not that easy dear Johnny! Most cows like me or like Jamie understand this fact after some years! But they get so used to the attention and lifestyle and the admiration from so many admirers, that they can’t return from there and moreover it’s not so bad- you are independent and live life on your own terms.

And then most such cows get old and then they marry another old and handsome bull for the money and convenience. And some stay single and become cougars like me!

But more importantly Johnny dear- cows like Jamie aren’t made- they are born! And you can’t do anything to change them! She would always remember you and love you as a friend but don’t dare to buy them!
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Francesca the cougar went on and on until her jaws popped out and fell, but Johnny the bull refused to buy her story except the guilty feeling over not drinking enough milk as a kid!

So from next day Johnny the bull would stand on his high ground and drink milk instead of rice wine and watch Jamie the cow and her suitors from a long distance every evening.

And many years went by as lonely rivers kept flowing to the sea and one by one all of Jamie the cow’s admirers left her and went away


And then one night on the deserted fair grounds- Johnny the bull saw Jamie the cow standing alone in the middle and sobbing-

He could not control himself and walked ahead closer to her- close but yet far away

And as they stood face to face with tears in their eyes and as the blue moon put them under its spotlight in that deserted fair ground that night—

Jamie the cow came forward and slapped Johnny the bull hard on his face!


Johnny- What the hell?

Jamie- That’s for not doing my homework on time 20 years back and getting me punished by the teacher as a result ,…just because I grazed with another bull during lunch break!





And that night on the deserted fair grounds under the full blue moon as lonely rivers surged to the sea, Johnny the Bull and Jamie the Cow hugged like a full grown bull and his cow should and fell in love once again!