The Chinese have ‘Fingered’ India yet again!

65 intrusions in less than 6 months, that too on a 2.1 sq km tract of land which is no longer disputed. A simple calculation will tell you that this translates to nearly 11 intrusions on an average per month by the PLA, which cannot be anything else than fingering around and testing the nerves of the guy on the other side, in this case Indians.

Well I still don’t guess that this stemmed from an official Chinese charter to re claim Sikkim; rather it looks like the work of an idiot middle ranking official of the PLA who is in charge of the affairs in that particular border area.

And now some of the funnier (if not hilarious) aspects of this entire episode:

The Chinese just enter the piece of land …spend some minutes enjoying the cool air, have some cigarettes and go back, but not before littering the place with cigarette butts and other tell tale signs.
And in response to that Indian soldiers too have started littering the place(which is Indian), under the assumption it’s a disputed land….and they are replying the PLA in kind.

And yes there are also reports that Indian soldiers have started following ‘Gandhigiri’ and they form human chains whenever they see the Chinese coming their way.

[There is also another explanation to it, as the CBMs signed by India and China prevent the use of fire power in case of an intrusion by either in disputed territories]

But the point is the Chinese have no clue what ‘Gandhigiri’ is all about and fearing it to be some kind of new Indian war technique run back as fast and far away they can.

The Mango Verdict: Next time the Chinese finger around, use the ‘Chinese Finger Trap’ Strategy!

Photo: http://www.china.org.cn/china/photos/2008-04/10/content_14773980.htm

Absolute

When you have known, seen, experienced a lot too many gross things in this world and risen above them all

When distaste overflows from the top of your head
When you breathe fire at the sight of this heinously crooked and mediocre world, lost in a devilish dance of slow self destruction.


Its then that you transcend into the realm of the absolute
A realm of absolute power, absolute energy, absolute awareness
And above all……Absolute Existence!

mango republic

They say if life offers you a lemon.....make some lemonade !
But what if it offers you mangoes instead? not one, but hundreds and thousands and millions and hundreds of millions?

make some mango shake...huh ? or do some black magic and put life into it and call them the mango population, divide them on their castes and become the head of their mango republic?

And if you are not that particularly good in english, or for that matter in any language, just follow simple word to word translation like this one done in hindi :

Mango = Aam ; People= Junta; Person= Aadmi

And bingo! you have an individual as well as a collective name for your subjects.

Ahoy! But just before you get careless with these powerful words, here's some basic do's and dont's-

-> always use the singular person for raking up emotions for a political cause, like what will happen to the 'aam admi' if the government signs a technology treaty with another country which will solve our energy problems?

or where will the 'aam aadmi' go for his nature calls if factories come up in farm lands?

- > And keep the collective ' aam junta' for shielding purposes. Like you can always claim that the aam junta gave you a mountain full of wealth as gifts when some honest tax officer comes asking about that money you made in those shady deals.

And if you follow these rules to the book, then my friend you.......yes YOU, will get to rule your own replublic of mangoes, term after term, even if there are umpteen numbers of genocide/murder/rape/corruption charges against you and those guys in pyjamas keep hating you.

Now who are these guys in pyjamas? Well these will not be mangoes but will still be your subjects.

These will be guys who will pay you taxes, who will get you the much needed Dollars after slogging it out in foreign shores, who will bring you name and recognition and wealth, who will consider themselves very powerful and intellectual and feel for your mango man more than you or other fellow mango men or women. But the mango man will envy them and attack them at the slightest chance and molest their women while they take a walk on a beach on festive nights.

And then some one from them will write a blog on it!

'Chaand pura hai..
aur raat adhi'

Nothing else to say, but still wanted to blog...

Life is increasingly becoming a monologue....with lots of background score and occasional guest appearances.

Once upon a time two friends went camping in a jungle. After trekking for the entire day when they set up their tents, a bear attacked them. They both started running for their lives, until one of them stopped and started putting on his running shoes.

'You certainly can't outrun the bear with those shoes one '- shouted his friend.

And he replied 'I don't need to...I just need to outrun you!'

The loop of sexuality

This is not about sex! It’s about men and their sexuality; Its about retrosexuals, metrosexuals and about those who find themselves lost in between these two.

(In short its all about heterosexual males and all beautiful women reading this are free to keep their hopes high of being with me)

The old conservative, pseudo Tarzan, retrosexual Indian male has been knocked down. His bulging biceps and macho image has been defeated by the well groomed, six pack armed, designer wear flaunting metrosexual.

Men have started going to gym just to get the ‘six packs’, shopping malls have more men’s clothing stores now than what used to be there even 5 years back. And cosmetic companies have started launching products meant especially for men.

It doesn’t always appear so stark, until you put up your head for a couple of seconds during that visit to the men’s salon, and look around. Men have changed, changed their postures and look. The stooped heads and skyward facing chins have been replaced with men lying lazily on spread up chairs with face packs instead of the omnipresent shaving cream. Even salons have started to offer services which never used to be found in the men’s list, and at times it does come as a shocker, when you find the middle aged guy seated next to you getting a manicure!

Strangely this transformation wasn’t as sudden as it might appear in retrospect. I know not many will agree with me on this one, but trust me guys I know it better than you, because I was caught in it, caught in the transformation and it cost me more than a thousand bucks.

Not so long back when this idea was still in its infancy and hadn’t become so trite, I had bought a shirt- a party shirt- a pretty flashy looking shirt- a shirt which I bought under the impression that it looked metro sexual.

But every time I wore that, the chettas back in K mistook me to be one of them.

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I still have that shirt, nicely packed and kept in one lonely corner of my cupboard. At times when I am caught drunk and dressing up for a late night party, I take it out, have a long look at it and then put it back inside, knowing very well that not many of today’s copycats will understand its historical significance.

So now you know the ‘Bollywood’ jokers, whom most of you gals drool over as well as the industry to which they belong, are nothing but laggards who follow early adaptors.

They are there for the mediocre, and when the mediocre dance on the footsteps of those jokers, it’s called ‘The Dance of the Mediocre’!

Scene# 2:

Venue: Centre of the office floor, waiting in the small cubicle housing the photocopier and the printer.

Time: 3 pm

Plot: I am standing in front of the printer waiting for my print commands to take shape. There’s another soul standing hardly 1 feet away from me so lost in taking photocopies that he misses me coming in.

As soon as the printer starts working, he turns back in astonishment, looks at me, then looks at the printer doing its job and shouts back at me - What are you taking out? (In Bengali)

I looked at him for a second and thought-

Birbal died ages ago, but his blindmen with eyes still roam across freely and terrorise people with their dumb questions.


So I just gave him a blank look and replied- Printouts!

The futility of actions and dumbness of thought

Scene#1

Time- 9:20 am

Venue: Waiting in the queue in front of the elevator of my office building. There are a couple of elevators and the queues for getting in, generally run parallel. So there are about 30 people waiting in total.


Plot: after standing in there for about 10 minutes finally I come at the starting of the queue.

Generally in such a situation, most people keep concentrating on the electronic display by the side of the elevator door, trying to influence its speed by exerting their mental control over it, others, especially of a particular insurance company whose office is just below mine, and those who come with their female/male counterparts, happily use this time in flirting and bitching around.

So as I was waiting there in front of the queue with my heavy laptop bag panting on my shoulders, it was quite a normal scene, until a middle aged woman standing in the same queue as mine walks forward, pushes me and keeps pressing the elevator switch in frustration, probably she got fed up of using psychokinesis!

Seeing this my counterpart in the next queue, a well dressed young executive also starts pressing the elevator switch next to him.


I thought for a second of telling these two geniuses, that these elevators are manned by operators and they know very well that this is prime usage time, infact they have just 1 minute back seen the long queue waiting when the elevator last came down, and they under no circumstances are going to halt the elevator in its way out of no reason, neither is the speed of the elevator going to go up by pressing this switch repeatedly. So the entire act of pressing this switch is futile.

But then something occurred to me- one of the earliest lessons of a subject in B School which at that time I didn’t like much, called organizational behavior. And it said- average intelligence in a group environment tends to come down to the level of the least intelligent member.

Well those fat books weren’t so useless after all!!

The Revenge of the Nerds !

If I finish this post in one go, I’ll treat myself an ice cream.

Hmmmm..ummmmm..Okay dismiss that.

Take two -

‘If I finish this post, I’ll treat myself an ice cream!’

Now that’s neither an exaggeration, nor an easily achievable task by two counts.

First, you should have a look at the number of half finished posts in this little word doc which I so religiously save on my comp, to have a passing idea of the number of imaginary topics I have conceived, started writing but somehow lost steam, since the last couple of months.

Second, the temptation of having an ice cream is really big for me right now. With an acute cough, blocked nose and body temperature which shadows the NSE index it’s a big deal for me to somehow sneak in a cig, leave aside the prospect of going out and treating myself an ice cream in this condition.

So..coming back to the nerds and their revenge!

Question number one: What was I doing for the last couple of months?

Answer:

Well…I discovered the gory truth about someone, took some days to digest that, lost all interest in writing, finished my first project, partied around my last week in bangalore, came back to cal, saw durga puja after three years, met some old pals and foes, kept running around the city meeting fat, bald marwaris, bidi smoking bongs, story telling uncles…..befriended a lot of fat women and finally caught a bad cold.

Question number two: How have I been doing?

Answer: Well I have been doing great. I have successfully guarded my frustration and dangerous intentions quite well in the past few weeks. Guess I am riding up the learning curve on that.

And I have kept my calm, kept my calm against the dance of the mediocre all around me.
I have kept my calm at the sight of ring/pin studded, long haired, doped teenagers around me in pubs and discs. I have kept my calm at the sound of aunties bitching when I was neck deep in work.

I have kept my calm at the sight of gorgeous young women flirting around with firangs.

I have kept my calm at the realization that the same old buggers, who used to get on to my nerves back in college, still have their old abilities.

And finally I have kept myself from hitting a doc who showed me the doomsday scenario that I’ll be an asthmatic patient when I reach 50..if I don’t quit smoking.
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Well that’s it for now. See you next time.

Over and Out!

[And before you really start to believe that I am a nerd, lemme tell you, the idea of this post name is not mine, its my bro avinav’s, a self proclaimed nerd of not much repute]