The Theory of CHAOS

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There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

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The flapping of a single butterfly's wing today produces a tiny change in the state of the atmosphere. Over a period of time, what the atmosphere actually does diverges from what it would have done. So, in a month's time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn't happen. Or maybe one that wasn't going to happen, does. (Ian Stewart, Does God Play Dice? The Mathematics of Chaos, pg. 141)

Simplified it conveys basically two ideas. First, not all things which appear random are random, they have an underlying order……and if understood properly they can help us solve most of our problems.
Second is the sensitivity of the dependence of the outcome on initial conditions. Just a small change in the initial conditions can drastically change the long-term behavior of a system.

If all this is true then probably there is a pattern in the randomness of my life also.
Things which I never understood and left it just as a chance where after all not just isolated occurrences. They had a pattern, an order.
Probably I can retrace all the things which I had done in the past few months here and find an underlying pattern in them and find my answers like why I bunk so many classes? Why have I not been able to live up to my expectations, academically? Why I wasted so many nights & hours with someone?

What if I go back in the past and change the initial conditions? Will I be able to make the final outcomes as I want them to be? If present is a function of the past then I should succeed. What if I could go 3 years back and undo all my mistakes which I did as a young teenaged college go-er? Or what if I could go back some months back and stop myself from committing that foolish mistake of trying to do something which was utterly utopian and irrational ? Would I be able to get back my previous life then or the months which I wasted doing it? Or may be I could just change the conditions to get just what I wanted from the entire affair !!

I wish I could do it. And keep doing it as long as I don’t get what I want.